Base Camp 2.3
It’s Time To Send LifeLines in Preoccupation
18,500 Ft
“There are two kinds of secrets: those we keep from others and those we hide from ourselves.”
Frank Warren, The Post Secrets
Welcome to Base Camp 2.3!
Sending LifeLines in Preoccupation is one of the hardest Cliffs to Climb
Celebrate Your Wins!
Let’s pause for a moment and see how far we have climbed already. Here are the things you are now able to do to, or you are starting to do:
Noticing inner circle and outer circle behaviors
N.N.A.I.A. You have started to Noice, Name, Accept, Investigate and Address your unwanted sexual behavior
Know your own addictive cycle. What does Preoccupation look like? Ritual look like? Action? Despair? Write it down.'
Sending a LifeLine after Acting Out and before Despair: NNAIA after acting out. This needs to be right away after going inner circle. It needs to be quick. If you say, “I didn’t want to let down my climbers” “I’m a failure.” This is revenge talk. You didn’t send a LifeLine early enough.
Invite Jesus into the moment right after you act out and seek forgiveness. Jesus died for you, he loves you. Get up and try again!
This LifeLine leads: Shame –> Repentance –> Forgiveness
The alternate is Shame –> Contempt –> Punish
Goals of Base Camp 2.3:
The Goal of Base Camp is to start facing evil WHILE we are being tempted. Here is where we start facing evil head on.
Without a doubt, this is one of the hardest stages in the climb, and it’s a theme we will be facing the entire rest of our journey together.
We will learn:
How to face evil
How to send LifeLines to help us stop going inner circle
What keeps drawing us into inner circle
Healthy behaviors we can start doing
How long does Base Camp take?
This elevation of the Climb takes about 3-4 months depending on the work you put in.
When are you ready for the next level of Everest?
When you and your Sherpa agree that everyone understands all of the tools, everyone is using the tools appropriately and the group regularly reaches out for LifeLines (to be explained later) during preoccupation.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. “All who rage against you will surely be ashamed and disgraced; those who oppose you will be as nothing and perish. Though you search for your enemies, you will not find them. Those who wage war against you will be as nothing at all. For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.
Isaiah 41: 1—13
At this point in the Climb
By the end of 2.3 you should not be going Inner Circle more than 1x a week. On this part of the journey, you should be able to send LifeLines and start to slow how often you go Inner Circle.
Goal:
Inner Circle no more than 1x a week
2.3.1
Sending LifeLines In Preoccupation
To Break the Addictive Cycle, We Need to Confront Evil’s Lies.
Remember, Evil traps us with two lies:
The first lie he tells us that going inner circle isn’t a big deal and that God will forgive us anyway. He confuses us in Preoccupation and in that confusion we don’t listen to Jesus, we follow the voice of Evil and go inner circle. We will face this later on in the Climb. This is the lie we are going to confront now.
The second lie attacks our very identity. After we go inner circle, a quiet or loud voice says to us, “Look at you. You are worthless. You can never change. No one can know the real depth of how horrible you are. Go to church, but just realize, you will never “be Holy as God is Holy.” You fall short to God and everyone you love.
Discuss
Why is sending a LifeLine in preoccupation so hard?
What are your feelings about doing this?
What is the reward in doing this?
Sending Your Preoccupation LifeLine: Stopping Ritual
Now our LifeLines are going to be sent DURING preoccupation and BEFORE ritual. We are going to N.N.A.I.A. before Ritual. When we are tempted to go Inner Circle, Evil is speaking to us, and we need to learn how to talk back with Evil and begin to listen to Jesus.
We are going to learn how to invite Jesus and your other climbers into your life to stop Ritual.
Here is how this is going to work:
As soon as you Notice It and Name It, send a text when you are in Preoccupation. This needs to be quick, quick enough to cut off the voice of Evil. Make sure you do this BEFORE you start to enter Ritual.
FACE Evil and ask questions about why we want to go inner circle.
What is evil telling/offering you?
Why is evil doing this now?
What do you feel evil wants to offer you if you choose to go inner circle?
TURN to Jesus for help point each other to Jesus and His love for us. We are going to remind each other:
Facing your pain: What pain is happening in your life right now that you feel pulled to go inner circle? Give yourself the time to name what you are feeling.
Turning to Jesus: Instead of going Inner Circle, turn to Jesus and invite him into what you are feeling. Ask Jesus to be with you, to give you the courage to understand your story, how you got here, and why you stay in the Cave.
Turning to other climbers: All of your other climbers are working on their own journey of how we got here and why we choose to stay. Reach out and ask for help and prayer. Together, as a group, we can learn from each other.
Turning away from Inner Circle: Make the choice to not go Inner Circle. Change your environment. Go for a walk. Read your Bible. Read a book. In time we will add lots of practical tools here, but real change starts with small choices: “Tonight, I’m not going Inner Circle. I feel frustrated right now, I need to take a walk, pray and message my climbers for them to pray with me.”
PRAY immediately, through text, for help from Jesus. We need the Holy Spirit to help us do the impossible. There are times when you pray and you won’t feel it’s possible to say no to Evil and yes to Jesus. But it is. And we will grow.
We all need to know that you actually prayed. Most of us say we pray and we really don’t.
We want to see what each other prays. Are you praying in a way that repents and builds your identity in Jesus? Or are your prayers groveling and lack grace? Do your prayers include grace and ignore the truth of what just happened?
We all want to pray with you!
“See to it, brothers and sisters, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. We have come to share in Christ, if indeed we hold our original conviction firmly to the very end. ”
Homework: Text During Preoccupation and Before Ritual:
FACE Evil and ask questions about why we want to go inner circle. Why is Evil here? Why now? What is Evil saying?
TURN to Jesus for help point each other to Jesus and His love for us. We are going to remind each other: Faith (God has always cared for your needs); Hope (God will always care for your needs); Love (You are free to move to others and away from yourself)
PRAY immediately, through text, for help from Jesus. We need the Holy Spirit to help us do the impossible. There are times when you pray and you won’t feel it’s possible to say no to Evil and yes to Jesus. But it is. And we will grow.
2.3.2
Investigating Deeper What Evil’s Lies Are
We are learning to be curious when we are tempted to go Inner Circle. Preoccupation is the best time to ask questions
When you send a LifeLine, or are responding to someone else’s LifeLine, the goal for us is to slow down and listen.
We were once gorillas.
When you had a hard day, or something happened to make you want to go Inner Circle, we acted like Gorillas. We had a desire, a desire needed to be acted on and nothing stopped us. We treated our sexuality and the very essence of who we are as an animal that needed to respond.
We are now acting as Men of God.
We aren’t apes. We are men of God on a hard climb. On this climb, some of the hardest work is slowing down and asking questions. Learning to ask good questions and being curious will help you understand your own story and what Evil is saying to each of us.
At times, this part might be really frustrating. But Evil’s work in us runs deep. We like to think that we go Inner Circle because we saw a beautiful woman at the gym and we can’t get her out of our mind. Or maybe you feel anxious and this is how you know how to relax. While these feelings are true, there is a deeper story that is happening that we are starting the work of uncovering.
For example: The Hot Woman at the Gym
Let’s say you feel tempted to go Inner Circle because of a hot woman you are trying to get out of your mind that you saw at the gym. Evil is telling you: “The only way to solve this and make it go away is to go Inner Circle.”
While this feeling you have is real, the purpose of sending LifeLines at this stage is to help each other dig deeper of what is really going on.
Here an example of how we can help each other:
LifeLIne: I saw a hot woman at the gym and I’m tempted to go Inner Circle later on. The only way this will pass is if I go Inner Circle.
Question for Climber: When you saw her and felt tempted what was going on with you? How did it make you feel when you saw her?
LifeLine: I felt a deep sense of pleasure looking at her. I wanted to be with her.
Question for Climber: Why do you feel the need for pleasure? What is going on in your life right now? Why would you feel the need to possess a beauty that isn’t yours to have?
LifeLine: Home is hard right now. My kids are making me angry. My wife is distant. My wife isn’t as attractive as she used to be.
Question for Climber: How does this make you feel?
LifeLine: Angry. Alone. Unsatisfied.
Question for Climber: What do you think Evil is saying about who you really are?
LifeLine: I am alone. I am always left unsatisfied. God will never give me what I long for.
Question for Climber: How do you feel that Evil is naming you?
Learning to ask questions in LifeLines is really hard, but really important. There is no formula, but the goal is to get us to think deeper about what is going on.
Once we can start to understand how Evil is calling to us, we can start to understand what the Gospel says in return.
Here is another example:
| Why do I want to go Inner Circle? |
|---|
| Today was a bad day. My wife turned me down. My friends went out without me. I'm single and alone. |
| Lots of people have bad days and don't go Inner Circle. How did the bad day make you feel? Rejected. Lonely. Sad. |
| What do you think is Evil saying about who you really are? I am unwanted. I am unworthy. I am not good enough. |
| Write down the different names that Evil is whispering: I am _____________. This is where our prayer battle starts! |
Here is a pattern for you to write down, and journal when you are in Preoccupation:
| Why do I want to go Inner Circle? A Chart for your Journal. |
|---|
| What happened to make you want to go Inner Circle? Today, ____________________ |
| How did that make you feel? I feel ____________________ |
| What is evil saying to you about who you are? How is Evil attacking your identity? Evil is saying I am ____________________ |
| Evil has been renaming you your whole life. The goal we have to face is how has Evil been naming you? Each of us will fit into a pattern just like this: I am bad. No one loves me. My needs won't be met. Therefore, I have to take care of myself. |
Learning to ask questions while sending LifeLines in Preoccupation is hard and even annoying at times. It’s way easier to just white knuckle it and pretend we are doing ok. But we aren’t ok. Evil is after the very core of us. The goal here, is for us to be patient with each other, get to know each other and how Evil is attacking our very identity.
This takes time and patience.
Homework:
Send LifeLines whenever you are in Preoccupation. This is your time to expose Evil and turn towards Jesus. Let the group ask you questions and do. you best to reply.
When Climbers send LifeLines, each of us need to ask questions to help each other learn how evil is naming each of us when we are struggling.
Be patient with each other and yourself!
2.3.4
Time to Make Your Second Prayer Card
Turning From Evil Prayer Card, Sending a LifeLine in Preoccupation
It’s time for your second prayer card. Learning to pray, talking to Jesus DURING in our preoccupation is an amazing and transformative time. We are so used to hiding from Jesus, then eventually crawling to Him in a half believing repentance. This is a game changer: when you are in Preoccupation, pulling out your prayer card as a guide to help you:
Face Evil
Turn to Jesus
Ask for help from Climbers
Turn to Evil and ask, “Why are you here? Why now?”
So, everyone, take a fresh 3x5 card and write down your own Preoccupation Prayer Card. This will be your guide as you out yourself and learn to Investigate Evil.
Front of Card
| Jesus, I am in preoccupation, dangerously close to ritual. Help me Turn from Evil. |
|---|
| Notice It: Evil is here, trying to pull me in. |
| Name It: I am feeling _________ |
| Accept It: I need to face this head on. Jesus, help me ask the right questions to undertand my story and how I'm looking for relief in a broken world.x |
| Invesitage It: What are you saying about yourself? How is Evil validating what you are saying about yourself? Why is Evil here? Why now? What is going on? |
| Jesus is tells me I am ____________ |
| Jesus, hear my prayer: ____________ |
| Jesus, I choose to do the following to soothe or stimulate in healthy ways • change my circumstances in a way that clears my thinking • allow my brain to create new healthy neural pathways: ______________________ ______________________ ______________________ ______________________ |
Back of Card
These verses from Romans 5: 1-5 are God’s gift to you. These are the words of God for you.
You are forgiven.
You can have peace when you feel terrible.
You are talking straight to Jesus
Instead of hiding from Evil you are BOASTING in God’s work in you by fighting Evil and facing Jesus!
Through your suffering by turning from going Inner Circle God is doing:
Suffering into Perseverance
Perseverance into Character
and Character will build Hope!
Finally, it’s Gods amazing love for you, through the Spirit, living inside of you, that makes this change real and deep!
| Romans 5: 1-5 • Peace & Hope |
|---|
| Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. |
Homework:
Take time to write your prayer card on a 3x5 card, using this template front and back.
Use this prayer card to help you out yourself in preoccupation from this point forward.
2.3.5
Why is it so Hard to Reach Out For Help During Preoccupation?
In order to stop in Preoccupation, we need to understand what is happening to us.
Sometimes we go inner circle because we have created such a deep habit, we struggle to understand why we are doing it. Other times, Inner Circle has become such a place of comfort, like an old friend, that we don’t stop to consider what deeper issues are pushing us to Act Out.
The second current that keeps the Addictive Cycle going round and round the formula: Pain + Pleasure = Relief.
Pain.
Pain is a strong word, but appropriate here. We all have pain that is unaddressed, and because it’s unaddressed we are trying to heal wounds in really unhealthy ways. You might not be in physical pain, you might not even notice the pain, but none the less, it’s there.
Unnoticed Pain: India
One time I was in India for a month. I was with a team of Doctors to preform free surgeries for some of the poorest people in the world. We were driving through a city and I watched as people bathed and drank water in a river. Up stream from them I could see people using the bathroom in the same river those down stream from them were drinking and bathing in. We were under strict rules on this trip: ONLY drink bottled water, and when you drink the bottled water, make sure you can see the seal break so you know it’s pure. If we weren’t careful and drank local water we would get incredibly sick. When I saw these people in the river I asked the doctor next to me on the bus, “Why is it that we can’t drink their tap water, but yet here they are drinking from a polluted river? How are they ok?” The Doctor was quick to reply, “They aren’t ok. They are chronically sick. All the way from bad nutrition to bad water. They are so used to being sick, they don’t even know they are sick anymore. This is part of the reason we are here.”
Around 80% of India's water is severely polluted because people dump raw sewage, silt and garbage into the country's rivers and lakes. This has led to water being undrinkable and the population having to rely on illegal and expensive sources. Each year, more than 1.5 million Indian children die from diarrhea. - Borgen Magazine
We all carry pain
This is what our pain is like: sometimes it’s in front of us and we can’t look away, other times, we have lived with it for so long we don’t even notice it anymore.
There is pain that came into our lives, uninvited, to destroy God’s shalom in our lives. We have all experienced Evil trying to tear apart God’s beauty in our lives. We still experience this pain today. When we get to “Cave Sex” on our journey, we will spend a significant amount of time talking about our stories and how that effects us today.
We also experience pain in our day to day lives. As a way to help our selves heal, we learned to invite Evil into our lives, through the doorway of Inner Circle. We often don’t even feel the pain anymore. We are so used to the feelings like self hatred, loneliness, fear and abandonment that we don’t even feel them all the time. But if we slow down, with Jesus by our side, and drink the Living Water, free of Pain, we will start to heal, and in that healing find that we use Inner Circle to help solve our pain.
Discuss:
Is the pain in your life usually obvious to you, or dull and in the background where it’s hard to notice?
When we talk about pain in our lives, what comes to mind right away in your story?
Do you feel like the people in the river in India, who are sick and don’t even know it, when it comes to noticing your own pain?
Pleasure.
When we have a long day at work, we come home and want a big meal. Or when we are lonely, a long movie seems to help. Whenever we experience something that is hard and uncomfortable all of us have a natural instinct to run to something that gives us pleasure. None of us wants pain, all of us wants to feel good.
Our instinct, when we feel pain, is to run to pleasure as fast as we can. Pleasure for all people takes on different forms. But for those of us on this journey, when we feel pain, we run as fast as we can to Inner Circle for the goal of Pleasure.
The goal to get to pleasure, when we feel pain, has become so powerful that our minds begin to plan instantly as soon as we feel pain or know that pain is coming.
Discuss:
When we talk about running towards pleasure when we feel pain, what comes to mind right away in your story?
Is running to pleasure in your story obvious to you about why you go inner circle? Why?
Relief.
When pain enters our lives, we instantly want to run to pleasure, but what we are looking for is relief. Feeling relief is our goal. Relief from stress. Relief from loneliness. Relief from pain in our past. Relief from anxiety. Relief from a difficult situation.
Evil whispers to us: “You need Inner Circle to get to relief. It’s the only way. True relief can only come this way.”
We want the feeling of weightlessness, because life carries so much weight. We want to calm our nerves down. We want rest. And Evil has lied to us, convincing us that true rest is found through Inner Circle.
Discuss:
When we talk about relief in our lives, what comes to mind right away in your story?
Is the need for relief in your story obvious to you about why you go inner circle? Why?
We get stuck in Pain and Pleasure Path
Life Pulls us into Pain and away from Pleasure
Life is constantly pulling us down, away from pleasure and into pain. Being single and longing for a companion. Being married and feeling ignored by your spouse. Being at work and overlooked. Working hard at school and falling behind. We all want to feel good . . . but life it seems is built to bring us down.
We look for ways to towards Pleasure and away from pain.
Each of us, when we feel pain, search for ways to pull us into pleasure and away from pain. After a long week, we love a Friday Night party or a weekend get-a-way. After a stressful day, we want a big meal. All of us look to get away from pain and move to pleasure. Inner Circle helps us to get away from pain and run towards pleasure.
Discuss:
How do you see Inner Circle in your life as response to pain? What stories can you think of?
Do do you see Inner Circle in your life as a way to run towards pleasure? Why?
What are some lies you tell yourself on the Pain and Pleasure Path?
Each of us listen’s to the pull of Evil when we feel pain. Evil convinces us that the fastest way out of pain is to follow the pleasure path towards Inner Circle. What lies have you told yourself when you are running from pain and towards pleasure?
“There is no way for me to stop this. Today has been hard. I deserve this.”
“I like going inner circle. It makes me happy. I know it’s hurting me, but I don’t care.”
“I hate outing myself here. I won’t be able to sleep if I don’t go inner circle.”
“I don’t want to out myself in preoccupation. If I do, I will be encouraged to stop. I don’t want to stop.”
“I deserve it today because of what happened.”
“Today was so long and boring. I want excitement. I want to feel alive.”
Discuss:
Do you relate to any of these lies?
What lies have you told yourself when you are running from pain and towards pleasure?
2.3.6
When We Feel Pain In Life What Is Your Instinctive Way Of Protecting Yourself?
There are 4 ways we all automatically respond to trauma/pain
As a result of the fall and our own brokenness we have natural but unhealthy ways of protecting ourselves. These may have worked for a time in your life; you may have needed these tools in order to survive. But now as adults we need to retrain our minds to respond to conflict/pain in healthy ways.
Fight
When faced with pain/conflict, we take it on. Stand back because we are going to fight our way out to safety so we can feel in control again.
I’ve learned that if I want freedom from this pain, I need to fight my way out. I’m not weak. I will win.
Flight
When faced with pain/conflict, we run. I am afraid. Get out of my way, because I’m out of here. I don’t care what happens if I leave. I’m not safe.
I’ve learned that if you stick around, that is dangerous. The best way out is to leave as fast as you can.
Fawn
When faced with pain/conflict, we don’t make waves. I agree to make you stop. I agree because that is what keeps me safe. I agree because we can get this over with. Getting out of the way is useless, it’s easier if I don’t use my voice and let you have your way. You win. I’ll lose.
I’ve learned that just letting them have what they want eventually leads to them leaving. When it’s over, I’ll be safe again.
Freeze
When faced with pain/conflict we don’t move. I have no idea what to do, or what to say and all that’s in me stops moving. I’m afraid. I just have to take it. If I do something, trouble will come. Best just to not move or say anything at all. I can’t do anything to protect myself.
I’ve learned that if I do or say something things could get worse. I wish I could stand up for myself but I’m too afraid. I shut down not knowing what to do or say and freeze.
Discuss:
Which one(s) of these are you?
How do you feel after you Fight, Flight, Fawn or Freeze?
How did these help you when you were younger?
How are they hurting you now that you are older?
2.3.7
What do we automatically want to do when we feel pain?
Inner Circle does two things at the exact same time: Soothe and Stimulate. It’s one of the reasons why Inner Circle is so powerful and addictive. There are drugs that clam you down, and drugs that wake up your brain . . . But Inner Circle is a highly addictive chemical release that both SOOTHES and STIMULATES at the exact same time.
Unhealthy Self Soothing
When we feel pain and chaos and we want to feel relief, we look to Inner Circle to help us self sooth. The Dopamine Chemical released in our brains when we go inner circle helps reenforce the addictive reward: “You know how to calm down after a hard day . . . “. We want to calm down and evil tells us this is the best way to calm down. Evil tells us we will fall asleep faster, recover from a bad day faster . . .
Discuss:
Do you relate to going to Inner Circle as a way to Self Soothe?
What does unhealthy self soothing help solve?
What problems does unhealthy self soothing help create?
Learning Healthy Self Soothing
Learning how to self soothe in healthy ways is really important and each of us will be different. Spend some time thinking about: When you feel stress, pain and anxiety, what are ways that you can calm down and soothe? Go for a walk, read a book, pray, mediate, call a friend . . .
Whatever you choose, give yourself some time as you try new methods to calm yourself down, and be patient with yourself as you practice these things. In my story, eventually, this is where I learned how to pray. The morning for me is when I went Inner Circle. Each morning, in the shower, it’s how I started my day thinking about yesterday’s rejections and losses and the pain in the day ahead of me to a long commute and a stressful job. I self soothed in the mornings to “help” me get through the day. Unhealthy self-soothing never really helped and ended up adding to my pain.
In time, as I distanced myself from Inner Circle I began to pray and read the Psalms. Each morning, I have a new routine of praying, reading and being quiet. This pattern has helped me to calm down, give my stress to Jesus and mediate on my need to trust Him for my needs. I started writing down what I was praying and I started to see God’s work in my life. I was always stressed, but the things I was stressed about did change. God was stepping in my life and helping, I just wasn’t seeing it before. This gave me hope for new stresses that came my way that I couldn’t see past.
Starting my day calm changed the trajectory of my entire day.
Discuss:
What are some ways that you can self-soothe in a healthy way?
Are you willing to start trying these right away?
What time of day do you feel the need to self-soothe in a healthy way?
N.N.A.I.A. on Self Soothing.
I’ve learned through overwhelming anxiety and stress that one of the best ways to calm my mind down is to practice slow prayer with Jesus. This Psalm is so beautiful and slow that in moments of stress, the very cadence of this Psalm is deep breathing when we read it slowly, reflect and offer our pain and stress to Jesus, the Great Shepherd.
Pslam 23
The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.
Unhealthy Self Simulating
When life leaves us disappointed and alone, many times we can have lots of excitement and passion that we feel is ignored by God and others. A voice whispers deep inside of us: “I know how to feel excited . . .” and the Ritual starts. We go Inner Circle to feel something amazing.
Discuss:
Do you relate to going to Inner Circle as a way to Self Stimulate?
What does unhealthy self stimulating help solve?
What problems does unhealthy self stimulating help create?
Learning Healthy Self Stimulation
Learning how to self stimulate in healthy ways is also really important and each of us will be different. Spend some time thinking about: When you feel boredom, loneliness, lack of purpose, lost and forgotten, what are ways that you can self-stimulate in a healthy way? What could God be calling you to do?
Whatever you choose, give yourself some time as you try new methods to self-stimulate, and be patient with yourself as you practice these things. In my story, eventually, this is where I learned that I wanted to lead other men towards healing. There are so many nights I felt unseen, no purpose and forgotten by others. I began to see that many other men felt this way.
In time, as I distanced myself from Inner Circle I began to be more and more open with other men, sharing how God was changing my life. I found that I had a gift to help people learn and grow in the same way I learned and grew. I saw that God had given me so many amazing tools on the journey to healing that others needed. I found myself self-stimulating in healthy ways by seeing that God made me for a purpose and gave me the gift to lead men to sexual healing. Each man I helped on the journey, I found myself alive and full of joy.
Evil thought it owned me; but now Jesus did. And he called me to use my gifts to help others. I went from feeling “I am worthless” to feeling, “I have a gift to give that the world needs… and I’m good at it!”
This changed how I felt about my day. I have purpose and value.
Discuss:
What are some ways that you can self-stimulate in a healthy way?
Are you willing to start trying these right away?
What time of day do you feel the need to self-stimulate in a healthy way?
N.N.A.I.A. on Self Stimulation.
What do you feel Jesus might be calling you to do? Each of us, according to PS 139 was created by God for a purpose! So what could the purpose be that Evil is trying to destroy in your life? What could Jesus be calling you to do? Something that takes time, effort and hard work? We all were created by God to be simulated… our issue is that we have done it in unhealthy ways.
Psalm 139: 13-18
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.
The Suffering J-Curve
2.3.8
why is it so hard to send a lifeLine after going Inner Circle?
In Preoccupation, our natural response is to hide. Why?
During preoccupation, does dying to ourselves and going into a J-Curve come naturally?
NO!
In Preoccupation we feel Pain. And in that pain we RAGE against evil as it whispers: You know how to feel pleasure right now! It’s so easy!
When we listen to Evil and go into Ritual, we don’t confess because we don’t WANT to be be stopped. If we out ourselves in Preoccupation, it means we might not get to go Inner Circle.
We want life to pull us up into pleasure: I want to feel good, it’s been a hard day, I’m all alone, my needs aren’t being met . . .
But Life pulls us down into Pain. People ignore us. We loose. People don’t see us. We aren’t valued. Our wives don’t see our needs.
We fight to climb into pleasure, taking what we can get. Life pulls us down into pain, leaving us alone.
And when we want to go inner circle, sending a LifeLine in preoccupation exposes our desires and shows everyone in the group in a very real way: are you really in this battle?
For most, this is the hardest wall to climb in Climb29.
Discuss:
In what areas do you want to feel pleasure?
In what ways do you feel life pulling you into pain?
What lies have you heard from evil about not sending a LifeLine during Preoccupation?
What is hardest about sending a LifeLine in Preoccupation? What is it exposing in you?
How can we help each other?
What happens if you send a LifeLine and go Inner Circle anyway? What does Jesus, and the others in this group, think of you?
2.3.9
Entering the Suffering J-Curve
In Preoccupation, our natural response is to hide. Why?
“I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.”
Read this verse slowly and let it sink in: Knowing Christ, Knowing the power of change, participating with Christ, following Jesus into death and the beautiful mystery of the resurrection!
There is more in this single verse than any of us can unpack in a lifetime.
So let’s apply it.
When you are being pulled to go Inner Circle, STOP. After It’s time to follow Jesus into the Suffering J-Curve: We are going to TURN from Evil, face it with Jesus and our Climbers by our side. We are turning towards Jesus and hear the words of Jesus Christ define us as His pride and joy.
When you inner circle, allow yourself to slow down and N.N.A.I.A. Each of the steps of N.N.A.I.A. will be a death. This is hard, but this is beautiful. This is you becoming like Jesus!
Send that text to your Climbers:
FACE Evil and ask questions about why we want to go inner circle. Why is Evil here? Why now? What is Evil saying?
TURN to Jesus for help point each other to Jesus and His love for us. We are going to remind each other:
Facing your pain: What pain is happening in your life right now that you feel pulled to go inner circle? Give yourself the time to name what you are feeling.
Turning to Jesus: Instead of going Inner Circle, turn to Jesus and invite him into what you are feeling. Ask Jesus to be with you, to give you the courage to understand your story, how you got here, and why you stay in the Cave.
Turning to other climbers: All of your other climbers are working on their own journey of how we got here and why we choose to stay. Reach out and ask for help and prayer. Together, as a group, we can learn from each other.
Turning away from Inner Circle: Make the choice to not go Inner Circle. Change your environment. Go for a walk. Read your Bible. Read a book. In time we will add lots of practical tools here, but real change starts with small choices: “Tonight, I’m not going Inner Circle. I feel frustrated right now, I need to take a walk, pray and message my climbers for them to pray with me.”
PRAY immediately, through text, for help from Jesus. We need the Holy Spirit to help us do the impossible. There are times when you pray and you won’t feel it’s possible to say no to Evil and yes to Jesus. But it is. And we will grow.
Now, change something! After all this work you did to expose Evil, change your environment. Go for a walk. Go to sleep. Take your shower. Listen to music. Don’t let Evil keep you where you are, take Jesus to a new place and change your environment to get your mind where you want it to be. You are seen by God, loved by God and forgiven. We remind each other of PS 139: God made you, loves you and put you here in this space and time to do great things. Evil wants to destroy those things, but in Jesus’ Resurrection Power, Evil is crushed and you stand tall. You are a new man. You stand tall, with your foot on the neck of evil.
2.3.10
In the Suffering J-Curve, we cut off Dopamine
What has porn/masturbation done to your brain?
Pornography and masturbation has so distorted our hearts and minds that we have lost what sexual intimacy is or even could be.
One of the first steps is realizing that your mind, having been addicted to “self sex”, has been distorted. Realizing this is massive.
Your brain is craving anti-sexual behavior and it will take time for you to create new healthy neural pathways.
/ The point I'm makin is the mind is a powerful place / And what you feed it can affect you in a powerful way /
- NF, The Search
I will restore you to health and heal your wounds ‘declares the Lord.
Jeremiah 30: 17
Dopamine
Pictured above is how Dopamine, when released, flows in your brain. It’s pathway is very specific and flows throughout the brain, starting at the bottom.
Dopamine is what is released during masturbation
Dopamine focuses your attention on whatever task is at hand and motivates you forward.
It activates or enhances rewards circuitry that make you feel good, and it also plays a major role in memory. It helps us to recall what is important in our environment, and to remember the appropriate response to a stimu- lus, according to bioneurologist Dr. Williams Struthers.
Dopamine “fuels the tension and craving for meeting a need,” he writes in Wired for Intimacy: How Pornogra- phy Hijacks the Male Brain. That’s why dopamine is released in response to all drugs of addiction, and plays a role in many disorders affecting motivation and attention such as obsessive-compulsive disorder and behavioral addictions.
Essentially, dopamine helps the brain remember what is interesting and how to respond to it. It focuses the mind on a specific task while other concerns are ignored, saying, “Hey, do this now!” It provides a neuro- logical reward that feels good, and assists in cravings for more of the activity.*
• Craving • Reward • Memory • Rush
OLD UNHEALTHY NUROPATHWAYS
Oxytocin
Pictured above is how Oxytocin, when released, flows in your brain. It’s pathway is radically different, starting at the base and going up into your brain and down into the brain stem.
Oxytocin is what is released during healthy sex.
Oxytocin is often referred to as the bonding hormone, and big releases arrive when mothers and fathers hold their newborn babies. It is often called the cuddle hormone because oxytocin levels rise when a couple snuggles, hold hands, or express other forms of intima- cy. Oxytocin is one reason a kiss is so powerful.
It also plays a big role in sexual bonding to one’s mate and triggers the contractions during male orgasm. In his seminars, for example, Dr. Todd Bowman of Lifeline Counseling Center encourages married couples to enjoy face-to-face sex that provides as much skin contact as possible for the greatest release of the bonding chemical. Because oxytocin is also released in climax, it can have a negative impact for the porn user. Instead of bonding to a real mate, the porn viewer’s brain bonds to the image, video, or situation, especially when the activity is reinforced through repetition.
In females, the hormone triggers labor and the release of breastmilk. In males, oxytocin helps move sperm.*
• Trust
• Empathy
• Positive relationship memories • Fidelity
• Positive Communication
• Processing of bonding cues
NEW HEALTHY NUROPATHWAYS
Bikinis Make Men See Women as Objects, Scans Confirm
This is a fascinating study that shows how our brains are wired when it comes to sexuality. Men, when shown images of women in bikini’s, a certain part of the brain lights up. This is the same part of our brain that lights up when we are show a tool that we can/want to use, like a new lawn mower or power drill. Our brains, when seeing porn, don’t see humans made in the image of God, we see objects that we want to use for our own good.
Here is another great article from Covenant Eyes.
2.3.11
It’s time to build Walls
going to war Against the Flesh.
Romans chapters 1 - 3 are focused on how lost and corrupt each of us are. Without God’s Grace, we are totally lost and without hope. Our Flesh (what we don’t want to do) is overwhelming. Our Soul (who we are) is deeply lost and in need of saving Grace.
Romans 6 is the Hope that our Souls are purchased, through Grace alone, through Faith alone! Our souls are new! But our flesh, this is still dark, in need of help and change.
Romans 7, which every man on the climb knows all too well, is that Evil won’t leave us alone. Once saved, Evil attacks our Soul. Once saved, our Flesh (what we think we want) is at war with our Soul. Romans 7 is the war that many men that are too afraid to join this journey are stuck in.
Romans 8, one of the greatest chapters in the Bible, is what this lesson is all about. With the Spirit in us, we pivot and go to war! We go to war against Evil. Against the Flesh. Full of the Spirit, we intentionally enter the desert, and ask for Jesus to help us fight evil with all that is in us.
A man who cannot rule his own spirit is like a city whose walls are broken down.
Proverbs 25: 28
In this lesson we are going to get extremely practical. Some of you will love this section of the climb and ask why it took so long for us to get here. Others of you will fight and not want to build some of these walls.
Let’s first talk about the need for Walls.
Why do we need walls/Fences?
Walls, or Fences, are a part of life. When you are a baby, you have a crib. Then a playpen. Then you can only play on the first floor. Eventually you can have run of the house, but you have to ask permission to go outside. When you are outside, your parents would watch you. Eventually, your parents stopped watching you outside, but you could only play in a certain area. Then you got a bike and could go much further, but had to be home at a certain time. Then you got a car, and had a curfew. Fences are a part of life.
When kids have parents who give them fences, the kids, feeling safe, are actually MORE free because they have less worries. Good fences, make healthy people.
But these fences don’t stop when we got to College. We mature, and add fences on our own.
How many hours you need to sleep each night
Foods I don’t eat or I’m careful of
As married men, you don’t spend time alone with other women
There are thousands of fences we put up in our lives.
Discuss:
What are some fences you remember growing up?
What are some fences you apply now to your life?
Why Are you asking me to Build Walls?
Each of us are here, because while we follow Jesus, something deep inside of us is broken and we turn from Jesus and turn towards Inner Circle.
Fences are small and easy to jump over. Fences are good for some things.
Walls are big and hard to jump over. Walls are good for some things. It’s time for us to build walls, to help protect you and your family. Climb29 pushes this part of the journey until this stage because we don’t want you early on forced to build walls. We want you to WANT to build them. No one in your group should be forced to do anything. HOWEVER, we are all on this journey because we have a problem.
Part of the Suffering J-Curve is facing the fact that we need to LOOSE (suffering) freedoms in order to GIAN (resurrection) freedom from going Inner Circle and discover more about why we are tempted to go Inner Circle.
We need to cut off our access to what we use to turn us on. And in cutting the access we give ourselves room to:
Change our brains by shutting off Dopamine
Face our emotions when we are tempted to go Inner Circle
Give time for our hearts to change and hate going Inner Circle
Men who didn’t build walls on the Climb
Each of the men who wouldn’t build walls on the climb, eventually fell again. At first, this lesson never existed. Then, after time, I wrote this lesson as a suggestion. And then as time continued, this lesson has matured into a point where every climber is asked to follow it, and even add more walls on their own.
Why?
Let me give two Illustrations.
The Deeper Fox Hole.
Imagine we are at war, and the enemy is shooting at us all day, never taking a break. Everywhere you look, men are falling and dying. So we learn that if we dig trenches, we can protect ourselves more easily while we are being shot at. This protection allows us to slow down and see how the enemy is attacking us. This is what I have been doing with climbers for 10 years now. But, what I have seen again and again is that men are still hit by the enemy’s bullets. I have learned, that even though it’s hard, we need to dig deeper fox holes. Some of the men might not need it and fight me. But as a whole, we all need it, and none of us loose by giving up our freedoms in order to gain Christ more.
Cleaning Out The Room
Another way of seeing it is that there is a room in our house. The house is our lives. The room is this place of Inner Circle. We used to hide the room from others and now with your climbers, we are learning to open up about our room and ask Jesus to transform it. Putting up these walls is like taking out all of the furniture, every last piece, and clearing it out. In time, Jesus will have us forever walk away from somethings and for some of us, we will even put pieces of furniture back in. But first, we need time to clear it all out, and allow our hearts to clear, and ask Jesus how he wants us to live.
“He is no fool who gives what he can not keep to gain what he can not loose.” - Jim Elliot, Missionary who was executed for following Jesus on January 8th, 1956
Wall One
It’s time to block access to Porn
When your heart is ready for help, it’s time to lock down where you have access to porn. In time, you will need these tools less and less, but when your heart is ready, these tools are amazing to make the choice to follow Jesus easier when you are feeling the full weight of darkness.
We are all Going to Install Total Protection By Covenant Eyes
Remember at the start of this climb, we asked if you were willing to spend money? Well, the time is now. This is an affordable accountability software to protect you and your family. I want you to set this up, and add your Sherpa as your accountability partner. Your Sherpa should have access to all your reports. I know this is humbling, but it’s absolutely critical to take this step and stop yourself from being tempted in weak moments. At the end of this climb, believe it or not, you will have the choice to keep your Sherpa as your Accountability, or you will choose to be the Sherpa over your own home, or choose another software entirely.
With so much Evil on the web, this is a critical step in protecting you and your family.
Discuss:
Did you install it? If not, when?
If you disagree, why are you resisting?
This is going to be a requirement of the Climb because too many Climbers convince Sherpas that it’s fine, but in the end, it leaves a massive door open for temptation as you walk away entirely from Inner Circle. If this is something you strongly disagree with and are unwilling to do for personal reasons, please discuss this privately with your Sherpa.
Other ways to block Porn Use to Go Above and Beyond:
How To Block Your iPhone From Porn
How To Block Your Android From Porn
Total Protection By Circle
Wall Two
Get off Social Media
The endless thumb flipping, mind numbing, watching other’s people’s lives is a dangerous place to be. Instagram as an example is so closely connected to pornhub and pressures users to post soft porn as a normal pattern.
You might resist getting off social media, but on this Climb we are asking you to take a break and during the Garden Living section of the climb we can discuss what you feel you are ready for.
It’s time we face that in the endless thumb flipping we are wasting our time, and giving evil a fertile ground for us to increase in our discontent, laziness and feeding Evil’s narrative that leads to Inner Circle.
Discuss:
What social media platforms are you on?
Delete your social media apps. If this is hard why?
If you disagree, why are you resisting?
This is going to be a requirement of the Climb because too many Climbers convince Sherpas that it’s fine, but in the end, it leaves a massive door open for temptation as you walk away entirely from Inner Circle. If this is something you strongly disagree with and are unwilling to do for personal reasons, please discuss this privately with your Sherpa.
Wall three
Limit what shows you watch. No more MA tV shows.
Binge watching is a normal part of life these days. And like most things, in moderation, this is ok. But each of us knows when we are watching a show with too much sexual content.
The further I have gotten on my journey away from Porn, the less tolerance I have for what I allow myself to watch. I used to tell myself, “I can handle this.” Then weeks later, an image would come up when Evil was after me.
For example, let’s say you are watching Game of Thrones. It’s an amazing show with a great plot line. Except for the fact that the porn level nudity is through the roof. It doesn’t matter how good the content might be, your heart is more important.
Part of the death of this suffering J-Curve is turning from shows you used to let yourself watch.
Discuss:
What shows are you watching or have you watched you know need to be cut?
Is there a show you are watching you need to stop? Is there a show you are waiting to watch you know isn’t good for you?
If you disagree, why are you resisting?
This is going to be a requirement of the Climb because too many Climbers convince Sherpas that it’s fine, but in the end, it leaves a massive door open for temptation as you walk away entirely from Inner Circle. If this is something you strongly disagree with and are unwilling to do for personal reasons, please discuss this privately with your Sherpa.
Wall Four
limit your cell phone use
We aren’t just connected, we are hyper connected. We aren’t just on our phones, we are constant with them.
We are all on our phones too much and need to take a break from them.
For this final wall, to give the Spirit more space, and to allow our brains to mature in new healthy ways we are going to do the following phone limitations:
No Phone 1 hour a day. For 1 hour, your phone is put away.
No Phone next to your bed while you sleep. Let it charge downstairs or in another room.
No Phone 1 day a week. For 1 day, your phone is put away. It’s a sabbath from your phone.
No Phone 1 week a year. When you are on vacation, turn your phone off. Give yourself an annual sabbath from your phone.
Discuss:
Do. you see how cell phone use is excessive and how it leads to us “checking out” as men?
How do you think limiting your cell phone use this way will help you, your family and your relationship with God?
If you disagree, why are you resisting?
This is going to be a requirement of the Climb because too many Climbers convince Sherpas that it’s fine, but in the end, it leaves a massive door open for temptation as you walk away entirely from Inner Circle. If this is something you strongly disagree with and are unwilling to do for personal reasons, please discuss this privately with your Sherpa.
The Rich Young Ruler
Mark 10: 17 - 22
Jesus was going on His way. A man ran to Him and got down on his knees. He said, “Good Teacher, what must I do to have life that lasts forever?” Jesus said to him, “Why do you call Me good? There is only One Who is good. That is God. You know the Laws, ‘Do not be guilty of sex sins in marriage. Do not kill another person. Do not take things from people in wrong ways. Do not steal. Do not lie. Respect your father and mother.’” The man said to Jesus, “Teacher, I have obeyed all these Laws since I was a boy.” Jesus looked at him with love and said, “There is one thing for you to do yet. Go and sell everything you have and give the money to poor people. You will have riches in heaven. Then come and follow Me.” When the man heard these words, he was sad. He walked away with sorrow because he had many riches here on earth.
Why are we reading this?
On this climb, with so many amazing Climbers, I have used one heart breaking story more than any. This journey is long: could be over 2 years. This journey is humbling: exposing areas of our lives we are pros at hiding. This journey has a cost: we give time and money. And most of all, this journey requires us to die: porn blockers, social media use, sending LifeLines and NOT going Inner Circle. All Climbers start out excited. But as time goes on, when change becomes real, there is a cross road for many of us. Are we going to change and keep doing the hard work? Or are we going to walk away because the cost is too high.
What do you make of this man? What best describes him?
Jesus was going on His way. A man ran to Him and got down on his knees. He said, “Good Teacher, what must I do to have life that lasts forever?
Various Answers (add your own):
He is passionate (ran to Jesus)
He is desperate (fell on his knees)
He is respectful (calls Jesus, “Good Teacher”)
He wants truth (he longs to know if he is saved)
How does Jesus respond?
Jesus said to him, “Why do you call Me good? There is only One Who is good. That is God. You know the Laws, ‘Do not be guilty of sex sins in marriage. Do not kill another person. Do not take things from people in wrong ways. Do not steal. Do not lie. Respect your father and mother.’”
Various Answers (add your own):
Jesus sees that the Rich man is respectful, but Jesus isn’t just a good teacher. He’s God in the Flesh.
Jesus holds up a mirror to this man who doesn’t understand: In order to get into heaven, you need to be without sin. No sexual sin. No killing. No stealing. No lying. Honoring your parents.
Jesus is giving him a list that Jesus knows none of us are able to keep.
Does the man understand the point that Jesus is making? What is the man’s reply?
The man said to Jesus, “Teacher, I have obeyed all these Laws since I was a boy.”
Various Answers (add your own):
He sees himself doing really well. He actually thinks he’s holding up the laws. He’s missing Jesus’ point that the man isn’t able to keep the laws on his own efforts.
How does Jesus respond? What is Jesus trying to do? Does Jesus hate money?
Jesus looked at him with love and said, “There is one thing for you to do yet. Go and sell everything you have and give the money to poor people. You will have riches in heaven. Then come and follow Me.”
Various Answers (add your own):
Jesus, knowing this man, calls out an idol in this man’s life that brings him comfort, value, safety and significance: Money. This man has money. Jesus is showing this man there is something in his life far more important than God: it’s money.
Time and time again, I turn to climbers and say, you need to go a month without going Inner Circle. You need to trust Jesus on this journey, follow Him, and say no to Evil and yes to Jesus, even if it means you can’t sleep.
Do we do this because we are trying to hurt each other? No. We do it to bless each other, learn about our stories, learn about how Evil is naming us, and learn how to turn to Jesus IN our pain. Jesus wants to bless us, but in order to do so, we need to follow Jesus and die to ourselves.
How does Jesus feel about this man?
Jesus looked at him with love and said, “There is one thing for you to do yet. Go and sell everything you have and give the money to poor people. You will have riches in heaven. Then come and follow Me.”
Various Answers (add your own):
Jesus LOVES him!
How do we know Jesus loved him? Did Jesus say “I love you” to the man?
Jesus looked at him with love and said, “There is one thing for you to do yet. Go and sell everything you have and give the money to poor people. You will have riches in heaven. Then come and follow Me.”
Various Answers (add your own):
No. The text says, Jesus looked at him with love and said….
What did people see in Jesus that someone told John-Mark (the Author of Mark) to write this down, “Jesus looked at him with love”? What did people see/experience Physically in Jesus?
Jesus looked at him with love and said, “There is one thing for you to do yet. Go and sell everything you have and give the money to poor people. You will have riches in heaven. Then come and follow Me.”
Various Answers (add your own):
Jesus might have a soft look on His face. He might have gotten quiet. Maybe He leaned in. Whatever He did to tell this to the Rich Young Ruler, everyone saw that Jesus wasn’t just putting a challenge out there or trying to prove a point, Jesus was loving the Rich Young Ruler.
How was Jesus Loving the Rich young ruler?
Jesus looked at him with love and said, “There is one thing for you to do yet. Go and sell everything you have and give the money to poor people. You will have riches in heaven. Then come and follow Me.”
Various Answers (add your own):
Jesus was helping the Rich Young Ruler how needy he really was. The man thought he was in good shape, but he wasn’t. Jesus gently points out an idol this man has that defines him, gives him safety and security: Money. But Jesus wants this man to be defined by Jesus! For this man to find his true security in Jesus, not money.
So Jesus loves this man by showing him what he needs to give up.
What has Jesus asked you to give up on this journey so far that has been hard, but good for you?
Various Answers (add your own):
Have each climber share.
How does the Rich Young Ruler respond?
When the man heard these words, he was sad. He walked away with sorrow because he had many riches here on earth.
Various Answers (add your own):
He isn’t willing to give up his riches. This man has a line he’s not willing to cross.
He walks away sad.
But he still walks away.
How does Jesus Respond to the man walking away? Does he pursue him? Convince him to change?
When the man heard these words, he was sad. He walked away with sorrow because he had many riches here on earth.
Various Answers (add your own):
Jesus let’s him walk away. Jesus gives us the freedom to follow Him and change, but He also gives us the freedom to walk. After this verse Jesus turns to his disciples, upset, and warns them about the dangers of money. But He lets the man go.
Final Thoughts
Like I said, I’ve used this story more than I care to in Climb29. So many walk away because the cost is just too high, too hard and too much. But for those that stay, turn to Jesus as the Living Water and Bread of Life, lasting change is possible on the other side of dying to this sin in our lives. It’s my prayer that each of you on this journey, when you come to cross roads, choose Jesus. It’s my prayer that when you are facing the pain of letting go, you, with your climbers and Jesus by your side, choose truth.
The crazy part of this story in Mark 10 about the Rich Young Ruler is that this story shows up in Matthew, Mark and Luke. Bible Scholars believe that the book of Mark was written by John Mark, who accompanied Paul and Barnabas on their missionary journeys.
John Mark was a wealthy man, who followed Jesus later in life. John Mark wrote the book of Mark, not as an eye witness, but most likely with the help of Peter, a close friend.
Many think that John Mark, is the wealthy Rich Young Ruler in this very story. In the end, John Mark, gave up everything he had for Jesus.
Final Prayer
Jesus, be with us as we Climb
Jesus, help us to see what we are unwilling to give up, so that we may gain you
Jesus, help us to put down everything, pick up our cross, and follow you.
Jesus, help us to face evil, turn from it, and become the Men of God you have designed us to be in Psalm 139
2.3.3
Where are all these questions Going In LifeLines?
Let’s slow down and see the bigger picture of where we are going.
I don’t need you to understand this whole cart below, but I want you each to see a core template of where we are going and how we are preparing to face Evil when we are in Preoccupation.
On the left column, Cave Thinking, we can see the progression that Evil takes in our hearts and minds. This progression for most of us is so fast and so deeply engrained in us we don’t notice it. But Notice It, Name It, Accept It, Investigate It and Address It is what we are doing here.
Cave Thinking, what makes us go into Ritual and Acting Out always starts with how Evil names each of us:
Some form of “I am Bad.” (how Evil has named you)
Since I am Bad, “No one loves me.” (the consequence of being bad)
Since no one loves me, “My needs won’t be met” (I am a alone)
Since my needs won’t be met, “I have to take care of myself” (and go Inner Circle)
In time, you will make your own chart. This chart will be critical to understanding your story. But it will take time to understand how Evil is after you.
On the right column, Garden Thinking, we can see the progression that Jesus takes in our hearts and minds as we turn and face him. This progression doesn’t come naturally. This is something we all have to slow down and remind ourselves of, constantly.
If Inner Circle is described as a deep dark cave with no light, then what we are moving towards on this Journey, I call “A Garden”, a place where there is life, light and we are no longer hiding but growing into the men of God Jesus has called us to be.
Each of us struggle to stay focused on our Identity In Jesus Christ. The right column answers the pain in the left column.
Garden Thinking, what helps us run to the cross, stay humble and stop going Inner Circle:
I am God’s masterpiece, forgiven, made new. (how has Jesus named you?)
Jesus loves me. People in my life love and care for me. (who has God put in your life to show His love for you?)
God has always been faithful in your life. Why would He stop now? Because He has been faithful, we can be Hopeful of our stories. (How has God been faithful to you? What stories do you need to remind yourself of? How does that give you hope for what you struggle to see now?)
You are free now, to love others, as you are loved. You are free to not be the center of the world where God has to fix your pain now. When you are Trusting Jesus on this journey, you are free to love others. (How is Jesus calling you to love others?)
| Cave Thinking | YOUR Cave Thinking | Garden Thinking |
|---|---|---|
| I am Bad. | I am ________. (How has evil named you?) |
I am God's masterpiece, created to do good things. I am forgiven, God's adopted son. |
| No one loves me. | Because I am ________, no one __________ me. (How are you left feeliing?) |
Jesus loves me. _________ loves me. _______loves me. Friends, church, I am loved and seen. |
| My needs will never be met. | Because of this, My needs will never be met. | God sees me, even now. My story is his. When I look at my story, I see how my needs have been met. Because I see God's hand in my life in the past, I can pray and have hope for what God is doing in my life. I can trust Him. |
| Therefore, I need to take care of myself. | Therefore, I need to take care of myself. | I don't have to care for my own needs. I am not a gorllia that needs to act out. I am a Son of the King. As I embrace God's story and love for me, I can emnbrace how God is calling me to love others. because of God's great work, I can move towards others in love. |
This chart we just went through is so core on the climb, and something we will return to again and again. Every morning when I (John Miller) wake up, I have a time of prayer. My time of prayer started because on this Climb I discovered my need for Jesus. I needed to pray to keep all these amazing things God was teaching me fresh on my heart.
One of my core Prayer cards is pictured below. Every morning, I pray through this card. For over 20 years I listened to what Evil was saying about who I was, my feeling of hopelessness and that there was no way out.
On my climb, I was able to get to a place where I was able to name what Evil was saying and how Jesus was calling to me in response. Every morning, even now, I need this reset. This is a core, daily prayer, for me each morning. To reject how Evil has named me since I was a child, and embracing God’s new Identity for me.
Then I get up from my Prayer Chair, and I choose to live in God’s Identity.
This prayer card is an example only. Further on the journey, you will make your own card that looks very much like this. But it will take time to learn how Evil is naming you in your time of weakness and finding a new name through Jesus.
Homework:
Looking back on your journey so far, what do you think is the start of how Evil has named you and your story? Can you write down some words that come to mind? Don’t put pressure on yourself to come up with something great and clear. Messy is totally fine.
Continue the work of digging deeper to listen to what Evil is offering you and what Jesus says. Write down what you experience in the week and share with your group in your check-ins.