Base Camp 2.1
Getting Started With Your First Climbing Tools
17,000 ft
“It’s the job that’s never started that takes the longest to finish.”
The Lord of the Rings
Base Camp 2.1: Climbing Tools
Goals of Base Camp 2.1
The Goal of Base Camp is to give you tools you will need on this journey. Each tool is carefully planned and timed. This elevation is one of the longest and one of the most foundational.
The best way to describe this elevation is like we are going to load you up with lots of climbing tools. Some of them you will like right away. Some you will connect strongly with over time. Others you won’t connect with or understand their importance. But all of the tools presented here will be used in time on this amazing journey.
We will learn new words to use to describe our acting out
We will learn about why we can’t stop and go in circles
We will learn how to slow down and ask questions
How long does Base Camp 2.1 take?
This elevation of the climb takes about 1 month depending on the work you put in.
When are you ready for Base Camp 2.2?
When you and your Sherpa agree that everyone understands all of the tools and is ready to start using them.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. “All who rage against you will surely be ashamed and disgraced; those who oppose you will be as nothing and perish. Though you search for your enemies, you will not find them. Those who wage war against you will be as nothing at all. For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.
Isaiah 41: 1—13
Core Climbing Tools
Going Inner Circle
Learning the 3 Circles
“Inner Circle” is one of the first climbing tools we will learn how to use. It’s a term you are going to use on this entire journey up to the top of Mt Everest. The purpose of this tool is to help you a safe name your addictive behavior during the week and helping you to see a lack of healthy behaviors in your life.
Why is the shape of “The 3 Circles” a funnel?
We are all here because our lives have been effected by acting out. We have all struggled differently. Each time we act out and move away from God, we fall deeper into ourselves, into a pit. We don’t just struggle with an unwanted sin, we go deep down into a behavior. This is a downward pit. Life isn’t easy by default. By default, there is a pull downwards when we have a hard day. We get angry, sad . . . or choose to act out.
Write
How have you seen your acting out as a downward funnel? How has it gotten worse? In what ways did you try and pull yourself out?
Discuss
Who is willing to share how acting out has been a funnel with no bottom? How has it effected your life? What have you done in the past to help you see that this is a pit you don’t know how to get out of?
Outer Circle
The outer circle represents the healthiest part of you and your time. These are behaviors that give you rest and fill your soul. Time with the family, watching sports, in the garden, reading a book, hunting, painting, looking at the ocean, the smell of coffee, quiet time with God, reading, time with friends, playing golf...
People with addictive behaviors have terrible Outer Circle lives. Instead of getting rest and filled up, there is usually a large amount of stress and lack of self care.
Look at where the outer circle is on the funnel. Is it curved down into funnel or is it flat? It’s flat! When we live a more balanced life, the less likely we will be to fall into unwanted addictions.
Write
Write down behaviors that you consider safe, healthy and beneficial to your recovery and healthy intimacy. These could include self-care activities that were squeezed out of your life but you miss them. What do you do that give you life and rest?
Discuss
What Outer Circle behaviors or activities do you feel are missing in your life? How healthy is your Outer Circle life? Why?
Middle Circle
The Middle Circle is where life happens. This is where the busyness of our lives are. We wake up, eat breakfast, go to work, each lunch, come home, help your family, try to watch a show you might like before you got to bed and do it all over again. This is where we feel the struggles of parenting, of being single, of our work, commute, hard relationships, earning a paycheck, going to school . . . this is where life is lived and it’s hard.
The main issue for those of us with addictions is that we have little to no outer circle and therefore we live in the middle circle. Did you notice where the middle circle is in the funnel? Is it flat like the outer circle? No. It’s curved.
When you get to the top of Mt Everest you will learn how to live in the Outer Circle AND the Middle Circle. We can’t escape Middle Circle.
But our first issue is realizing that each of us LIVES in the middle circle with little to NO Outer Circle.
And what happens when we live in the side of the funnel on the Middle Circle? We get pulled down.
Write
What about life to you feels like Middle Circle? What are the harder parts of life for you right now? When you start to feel the pressure, this is where start the process of acting out. Write down behaviors that are slippery for you. These are behaviors that lead to acting out and are a part of your sexual ritual. It is important not only to be aware of middle circle behaviors, but also have a plan what you will do to maintain sobriety.
Discuss
What can you share from what you wrote above?
Inner Circle
Let’s start by asking a question. Do you look at Porn because of the acting? The plot? The lighting? No! What is the goal when we look at porn? The goal is to masturbate. Our final goal, the heart of the behavior we are here to face isn’t stopping to look at porn, it’s learning about why we masturbate and why we can’t stop. Porn is a tool (and there are many evil tools that we choose from) to get us to the final destination of self sex: masturbation.
From this point forward on the climb we are no longer going to use the word “masturbation”. We are going to replace it with “Going Inner Circle”.
It’s a safe way to describe the heart of the problem in a very real way. I’ve had many men tell me they don’t need help because they don’t look at Porn. I ask them if they masturbate and they say yes. I tell them, “that’s why people look at porn, to have self sex to help soothe or stimulate them. Our goal is to practically talk about what really is the issue, but also using a safe way to talk about it in public.
Inner Circle is the dark, bottomless red part part of the funnel. This is where acting out occurs, when we slip and “go inner circle” We don’t go Inner Circle by mistake, we go there to hide, to self soothe or to run from pain.
Inner Circle is why all of us are here.
Write
Write down the sexual behaviors that you want to stop. Inner circle behaviors are the compulsive sexual behaviors that brought you to this group.
Discuss
How does using the term “Inner Circle” for masturbating feel to you? What do you relate to? Why?
“I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord
and put their trust in him.”
The Addictive Cycle
We Are Going to Learn How to Locate Yourself
This is one of the greatest tools in the toolbox: Learning to locate yourself on the addictive cycle. To break an addiction you need to first learn how to see it in your life and locate yourself when it’s happening. Only when you see it you can begin to ask questions and learn from your behaviors.
The Addictive Cycle has 4 parts to it:
Preoccupation
Ritual
Acting Out
Despair
First, Let’s look at how all four of these stages work together in what we are going to call “The Addictive Cycle.” As you are taught what the addictive cycle is try and picture your own life story and how you see your behaviors in each of these stages.
Preoccupation
Preoccupation the trance or mood wherein the mind and body begins to crave arousal. This mental and physical craving creates an obsessive search for stimulation.
Preoccupation could last days, hours or minutes. Maybe you walk around gathering images and creating fantasies over a period of a couple of days or even weeks… knowing that one day you will go Inner Circle using what you have stored up. Preoccupation might last a couple of hours as you start to think about going Inner Circle. Either way, this is the stage of our addiction where Evil screams the loudest, pulling us in, reminding us of how good it will feel and how much it will help your pain.
Preoccupation might be scrolling through social media looking for images that turn you on. It might be thinking about a time you went to a strip club. It might be thinking about a past girlfriend. It might be thinking of porn you saw and bringing it back to your active thoughts. Each of us is different. But we all share this stage.
It’s going to be really important on this journey to start noticing when you are in preoccupation because if you can catch yourself in Preoccupation, you can begin to stop going Inner Circle.
At this stage you are in the process of making a choice to go inner circle.
What does your Preoccupation look like?
How long do you think you find yourself in Preoccupation?
Ritual
Ritual is your own special routines, which lay the foundation for acting out. The ritual intensifies arousal & excitement distancing you from reality.
Everyone has a Ritual. In time, you will learn how to talk about your Ritual more and more. There are a couple of important things to know about Ritual:
For the most part, when you prepare to go inner circle, each of us has a pattern that we choose. This pattern helps to give us a false sense of comfort.
Ritual separates us from other people. When you hit this stage, we isolate ourselves and don’t want authentic human contact.
When you get to Ritual, you have already made your mind up: You are going to go Inner Circle. Now, apart from a miracle (like God can sending a tornado to stop you), you have already chose what you want to do. You have turned from God, followed the voice of Evil and are going where you can Act Out.
Your ritual is a “sacred space” for Evil. Evil won’t want you sharing it or opening up about it for fear of Jesus entering that space. Evil’s goal is simple: get you into Ritual.
Some examples of Ritual might be: Taking your phone and going to the bathroom. You know what is going to happen as soon as you grab your phone and lock the door. It could be taking a night time drive to get milk. No one is going to say anything and you might happen to drive by a strip club on the way. Your ritual might be a simple as taking off your clothes and getting into the shower. Everyone showers… but you know what is going to happen as soon as you get in.
At this stage you have already made the choice to go Inner Circle.
What does your Ritual look like?
Acting Out
This is the actual compulsive act, which is the end goal of the preoccupation & ritualization. Unless “preoccupation” is interrupted you will be unable to control or stop this behavior.
This is when we listen to Evil to self soothe or self stimulate and participate in “self sex”. This is where Evil leads us with a false promise of relief from pain.
This is Inner Circle.
Where and when does your Inner Circle happen the most?
Despair
Despair is the feeling of utter shame, powerlessness and hopelessness that resonates with your core sense of shame, which in turn sets you up for the next cycle.
Evil delivers us two punches:
Punch 1: The temptation in Preoccupation to go Inner Circle. Evil offers us a false sense of Hope with the promise of feeling better.
Punch 2: After we failed, are alone, having looked at something horrible, cursed God and ourselves Evil whispers to us: LOOK AT YOU. YOU ARE A LOOSER. GOD COULD NEVER LOVE YOU. NO ONE COULD EVER LOVE YOU.
Evil pulls us Inner Circle for the goal of getting us to drown in Despair. Here is where we believe Evil’s lies: You are worthless. You can never be loved. You will never be able to stop doing this. No one respects you. You can’t handle pain. You are a pathetic looser.
Do you know why this stage is so important to Evil? Because, if you don’t address Despair, you will listen to Evil’s lies and believed them. And once you believed them, you will want to hide and escape into the fantasy all over again.
So, we go back to Preoccupation, because the pain is too much.
At this stage you are in the process of setting yourself up to go back into Preoccupation.
What does your Despair look like?
What does Evil whisper to you after you go Inner Circle?
Discuss
What parts of the Addictive Cycle do you relate to the most? Can you name all four stages without looking?
“Lord, you know how I long for my health once more. You hear my every sigh.”
“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”
N.N.A.I.A.
It’s Time to Learn How to
Notice It, Name It, Accept It, Investigate It, Address It.
We just learned about the Addictive Cycle. What’s powerful about the Addictive Cycle is that we can learn how to actually physically pinpoint where we are and how we are doing. Today’s Tool: N.N.A.I.A. teaches us how to slow down and see where we are in the addictive cycle. Only when we allow ourselves to slow down and patiently think can we invite others to help us on this journey.
Notice It.
This first step is a powerful one. You can’t change unless you begin to NOTICE what stage of the Addictive Cycle you are at. The first step is simply seeing that something is “off” and that your head and heart isn’t where it should be. The first step of changing is seeing that you are in a place that needs help. It’s as simple as the name: just noticing that something is off in our hearts.
In this stage we might say something like:
This is that feeling I discussed with the guys. I’m starting to do my routine and I can feel that I’m not in a good place. This is the start of the addictive cycle. I can feel that I’m starting to wander.
Here is a verse that I use to help me relax in this stage:
This is start the process of going before God with something that is hard for us. We can feel evil starting to speak to us and Jesus is here with us right from the start of this journey. When you Notice It, God rejoices. This is where change starts.
And here I am, your invited guest—
it’s incredible!
I enter your house; here I am,
prostrate in your inner sanctum,
Waiting for directions
to get me safely through enemy lines.
Psalm 5: 7-8
Name It.
After we notice it, we slow down even more and name where we are. Where are you in the addictive cycle? What is the name that we gave it? Just giving where you are a name helps to slow you down even further and locate yourself. Once you give a name to where you are at, you can start taking the next step. But you have to name it first.
In this stage we might say something like:
This is called Preoccupation. I know where this is in the additive cycle. I can see what I’m doing and where it’s going. I know that Ritual is next and that is where this is headed, and once I get into Ritual, I’ll be too far gone.
Here is a verse that I use to help me relax in this stage:
Naming where you are is scary. It means we are broken and we need help. Once we name it, we are one step closer to getting real help. But we can’t get help if we don’t let others know where we are. It’s like calling someone and telling them you ran out of gas and need to get picked up. But most don’t want to share where we are because we are embarrassed or ashamed of ourselves. You can’t get picked up unless you tell your other climbers where you are. Naming it is a powerful step where we humble ourselves to where exactly we are on the addictive cycle and that we need help. But do not fear. God is with you. God knows your broken heart. God knows your broken brain, damaged by self centered sex, pornography and inner circle. God is with you and wants to help you. When you name it, God rejoices.
God is a safe place to hide,
ready to help when we need him.
We stand fearless at the cliff-edge of doom,
courageous in sea-storm and earthquake,
Before the rush and roar of oceans,
the tremors that shift mountains.
Jacob-wrestling God fights for us,
God-of-Angel-Armies protects us.
Psalm 46: 1-3
Accept It.
We all joined this climb because we have a common struggle. We all joined this climb because we want to see this struggle gone from our lives. We want to see Christ, know Him and become like Him. And Inner Circle can’t happen anymore as mature followers of Jesus. The next step is to Accept that this is where you are at. This is a hard one. For most of us, the hardest. We want to pretend we are doing better than we actually are. Or we want to ignore it and hope that if we close our eyes it will go away. But change doesn’t happen unless we fully surrender to Jesus. Here we need to Accept the fact that this is a struggle for us, and that unaddressed, it will continue to destroy our lives and those we love. We need to slow down even more and Accept that where we are is where we are. And that we need help where we are. No more pretending.
Accepting isn’t approval. No way. Accepting that this is where you are is the start of being honest with yourself and your need for lasting change through Jesus.
In this stage we might say something like:
I wish I was stronger than this. I wish I was past this. I wish this was easy for me. But I’m not stronger. I’m not past this. This isn’t easy for me. I accept that this is a journey that I’m on and simply SEEING that I’m here in the addictive cycle is a win against evil. I feel pain. I want pleasure. This is my story and God is with me in it.
Here is a verse that I use to help me relax in this stage:
Accepting that this is a struggle for us puts us in an even greater place of vulnerability. What will the others say? Are they as messed up as me? Will I ever change? Will I make it through the night? How do I face this pain? Here is where Jesus whispers to us through the book of Joshua: “DO NOT BE AFRAID. DO NOT BE DISCOURAGED….”
Joshua said to them, “Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Be strong and courageous. This is what the Lord will do to all the enemies you are going to fight.”
Joshua 10:25
Investigate It.
Learning how to ask questions is going to be one of the most important tools on this climb. We all want to jump into some sort of action to stop ourselves, but before we do something practical, we have to know what we are up against. And we can ONLY do that by slowing down one more time and asking questions.
God created you for a purpose, to change the world through you, in a way only YOU can do.
But Evil has had a plan to destroy God’s work in you.
Evil is after you and wants to offer you an apple just like it did for Adam and Eve. Something other than God’s plan, purpose and promise.
We need to slow down, look Evil in the eye and ask questions:
Why are you here?
Why now?
What are you trying to offer me?
In this stage we might say something like:
Now that I see that Evil is here, I need to invite it out into the open, unafraid. I need to ask it some questions, “Why, Evil, are you here? Why now? Why today? What is going on that you would think this is a good time for me to feel relief?
Here is a verse that I use to help me relax in this stage:
Never forget, that at our worst moments, God slows down and asks us questions. He did this for Adam and Eve in the Garden, “where are you?” He did this with Hagar, sent to die in the middle of the desert. Jesus doesn’t hide from Evil, He turns toward it and asks the questions. And Jesus knows this is so hard for us. So, here He is, King of Kings, right next to you in your darkest moment, giving you the courage to look Evil in the eye and ask questions.
”And he said, “Hagar, slave of Sarai, where have you come from, and where are you going?” “I’m running away from my mistress Sarai,” she answered.“
Genesis 16:8
Address It.
Finally, after we Notice It, Name It, Accept It, Investigate It we are ready to Address It. This is where you turn to your climbers and ask for help. You reach out to them for prayer, support and help. In time, as you all get to know each other better, we will all become familiar with our Preoccupation, Ritual and Shame and learn how to help each other Address It.
In this stage we might say something like:
I need to call my climbers. Send that text. I need to take this head on. The moment I send that text, I am closing the door to acting out. This is so good for me. Even though this is painful, God is in the process of rewiring my brain... to be renewed into a new man of God, God’s adopted Son!
Here is a verse that I use to help me relax in this stage:
By Addressing It, we will start to change. Our habits will change. Our hearts will change. The way we face pain will change. We will physically feel withdraw and God “renewing our minds.” This is where the battle starts against evil.
”Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
Romans 12:2