Check Your Progress

Contemplation Win: I’m aware of a problem. It’s not right to look at porn.  This is hurting me and my marriage. I know this is evil and works to destroy me my dignity and those around me.

 Preparation Win: I know I need help beyond myself. I’m making space in my life to work through this issue. I’m willing to invest money to help me see this through.

 Action Win: Choosing to Climb! I’m in “Action” and ready to make action oriented steps towards change.

Noticing inner circle and outer circle behaviors

Know your own addictive cycle. What does Preoccupation look like? Ritual look like? Action? Despair? Write it down.'

Sending LifeLines anywhere in the Addictive Cycle: NNAIA, and send a lifeline. This can be at any point. You are reaching out to your climbers instead of being discovered on your own. You are exposing your own inner circle action and are willing to have others investigate what happened. 

Sending a LifeLine after Acting Out and before Despair: NNAIA after acting out. This needs to be right away after going inner circle. It needs to be quick.  If you say, “I didn’t want to let down my climbers” “I’m a failure.” This is revenge talk. You didn’t send a LifeLine early enough.

• Invite Jesus into the moment right after you act out and seek forgiveness. Jesus died for you, he loves you. Get up and try again!

• This LifeLine leads: Shame ­–> Repentance ­–> Forgiveness

• The alternate is Shame ­–> Contempt ­–> Revenge

Sending a LifeLine in Preoccupation and before Ritual: NNAIA lifeline. Learn to notice and see preoccupation. When you know you are in it (Notice), Name it by sending a LifeLine. Then, take actions to investigate it.  Invite evil into the foyer.  And ask it questions, “Why Evil are you here now? What this place and time? What is going on that you think this is a direction that I should go in?” This means you are taking evil on the offensive. I don’t have to go inner circle.

Sending a LifeLine after Acting Out and before Despair: NNAIA after acting out. This needs to be right away after going inner circle. It needs to be quick.  If you say, “I didn’t want to let down my climbers” “I’m a failure.” This is revenge talk. You didn’t send a LifeLine early enough.

• Invite Jesus into the moment right after you act out and seek forgiveness. Jesus died for you, he loves you. Get up and try again!

• This LifeLine leads: Shame ­–> Repentance ­–> Forgiveness

• The alternate is Shame ­–> Contempt ­–> Revenge

Going to Jesus each time after Inner Circle to ask for forgiveness: After going inner-circle you text your climbers each time and pray to Jesus for forgiveness growing in your knowledge of “I’m far worse than I ever knew, and far more loved than I ever dreamed.”

Sending a LifeLine in Preoccupation and before Ritual: NNAIA lifeline. Learn to notice and see preoccupation. When you know you are in it (Notice), Name it by sending a LifeLine. Then, take actions to investigate it.  Invite evil into the foyer.  And ask it questions, “Why Evil are you here now? What this place and time? What is going on that you think this is a direction that I should go in?” This means you are taking evil on the offensive. I don’t have to go inner circle.

Identify your addictive system. 

• Mine is:

  • I am bad

  • Because of this, no one really loves me.

  • Because of this, my needs will not be met.

  • Because of this, I have to take care of myself.

• What are your words? They will be close to this framework, but use your own words.

Address your own addictive system.

• Mine is:

  • I am created unique in the image of God. PS 139. God knows me and has a plan for me.

  • Because of this, I can love my story and what God is doing.

  • Because of this, my needs are in the hands of God.

  • Because of this, I can move towards others in love as God has moved towards me. I am choosing not to go inner circle because I am trusting God’s greater story and calling in my life.

• What are your words? They will be close to this framework, but use your own words.

Write a letter to yourself. Use this letter when you feel you are in the additive cycle to help you get perspective.

Have a conversation with your spouse/close friend. Do not share the details of your additive behavior, but with broad-brush strokes, letting your spouse know what you are doing and inviting them. 

• Good example: “I’m a group at church with other men who struggle with masturbation. This is something I want to face, became a better husband, father and a renewed sense of dignity for myself. I seeking long lasting change.”

• Bad Example that is DESTRUCTIVE to your spouse: “I’m in this group because I watch porn everyday and I like to watch young girls together.”

Locking down your devices / home, both on WIFI and LTE.

Using Your Tools on a Regular Basis in Preoccupation

1 Week with No Inner Circle

1 Month with No Inner Circle

1 Quarter with No Inner Circle

I know my story and how Unwanted Sexual Behavior helps to repair my broken past

I know my story and how Unwanted Sexual Behavior keeps me in a broken cycle

I know my story and how to begin walking away from my Unwanted Sexual Behavior

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